That’s a simple answer, I guess. I do not have regrets, especially in relation to the mistakes I have made, I would make those all over again if it would mean that it would bring me to where I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in an ideal place in my life, I have a long way to go to be close to where I want to be; at the same time I really like who I have become and I truly have come a long way from where I was.
Going back to the beginning, I didn’t start speaking until I was about 4. I could say words but I did not formulate sentences very well. My mother has always been very intuitive, so she knew what I was trying to say to her and because she understood me so well, I guess on some level I didn’t feel the need to talk or formulate sentences. When I started school, the first memory I have is not being able to speak English. I remember speaking to the teacher and other kids in my mother tongue and being quite confused as to what was going on. It’s quite incredible the way the human mind works and the ability of teachers to teach children a whole new language. With time I learnt English. I was a very shy child. I was always hiding behind my mother, whenever we went out. I think I’d describe myself as Bambi if I could relate to any cartoon and at the time Bambi was my favourite. My shyness still remains, ever so slightly that it’s barely visible. I have “grown up” so to speak and even if I feel overwhelmed, I have gotten quite good at “fake it till you make it”
Speaking of mistakes, one I would like to mention is not doing well enough in my A levels, which lead to me having no offers from universities. (That’s a story for another time).
Fast forwarding till I moved to London for university, I had gotten my dorm room and my parents were there to make sure I settled in nicely. After they had left, I sat in my tiny room, looked outside the window and immediately missed home. I never felt more alone and at that moment self pity kicked in. I have always been capable of taking care of myself, but in that moment all I could think of is how much I wanted to be in the comfort of my home. After a few days of wallowing, I got bored of myself and decided to make the most of it and started socialising and just opening up. I decided that I did not want to be shy anymore and really went out of my way to get out of my comfort zone. I joined various societies and even ran for treasurer for a society (got elected twice). It did wonders for my confidence and it is then that I realised that I actually really like people. Everyone is interesting in one way or another and people tended to open up to me, which in the beginning I would find to be strange. I do not trust easily, yet I would find people opening up to me as if they have known me their whole lives. It made me feel nice to be peoples’ confidant and give them the encouragement they needed to overcome whatever obstacles they were facing. I learnt that at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be understood.
I have made a lot of mistakes along the way, taken some wrong turns, got hurt and I know that I will make new ones as I am still on this earth. With every mistake I come one step closer to my destiny, grow more confident and wise. I would not have it any other way. 🙂