ramblings

Notes of the morning

Posted on by Selectively Curious

Journeying my way through the mall every morning has become almost therapeutic. I love that I get to see the mall at its quietest in the mornings, before the shops have opened and arguably at its loudest in the evenings. I love how the tourists pop in around the time I make my way to the metro, all dressed up ready to explore this concrete jungle that is currently my home, until I move to the next place.

The weather has been delightful, cold and crisp in the mornings. The morning air is beautifully refreshing and it’s probably the first time in the UAE I’m enjoying every moment of it before the heat seeps in. We don’t get many “cold” days but the days we do get, having lived here most of my life, I don’t think I’ve ever savoured it as much as I am this year. There isn’t really a walking culture here, to get around, you need a car. Driving makes you miss out on the good weather and positive effects it can have on you. It’s one of the reasons I miss London and look forward to moving back.

One thing I’ve definitely noticed is that people are always on the rush or on their phones. There’s no interaction and God forbid there be any eye contact. They say a silent retreat is challenging because you can’t speak or communicate with anyone, not even with your eyes. Ironically it will probably be more challenging for those that are fixed on their phones not interacting with “real” humans around them than the ones that aren’t glued to their phones all the time. It’s a bit sad that no one makes eye contact anymore. Makes me curious why some people fear the zombie apocalypse, it’s already here and we’re surviving.

Stay curious, my loves. X

Selectively Curious©

I hope…

Posted on by Selectively Curious

It’s been a while since I’ve been back and I guess a lot has happened and at the same time not much has happened.

To summarise, I went to Greece, Turkey (will post about my adventures soon) and I quit my job. Safe to say things are quite unstable, I have a plan because I can’t live my life willy nilly, however everyday I have a mini panic attack. I don’t know where things are going and hoping for the best is in my DNA even if things seem “all doom and gloom”. I have learnt that things are never as bad as they seem, in hindsight.

The inspiration for this post came from an aspect of my personality – hope (duh!). Not only do I just hope for the best but I think it is important to do everything possible in one’s control to turn that hope into a reality. However, this post isn’t just about my ambitions or goals in life but more of a general hope for the world.

Sometimes we get so intertwined with our own problems we forget the bigger picture. This post is my way of taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. There is so much suffering and injustice in the world so I would like to send my positive vibes, for whatever it’s worth in the hope that maybe one day I am able to make some good difference in the world and leave a legacy behind.

So here goes:

I hope that whatever you are going through, know that nothing is forever and this too shall pass. I hope that you are not too hard on yourself, we tend to be our own worst critic. Let’s mix it up and I hope you become your own number one fan, it won’t make you a narcissist. I hope that you find your true calling and I hope that it makes you love your life. I hope that you are loved and that love makes you kinder. I hope your kindness spreads and infects everyone.

I hope you have the courage to walk away from anything that doesn’t serve you, the unknown is scary but sometimes it is important to make a bold move and deal with the consequences later. I hope that you have faith that things will all work out for the best. They say that belief alone gets you half way there.

I hope world education becomes a reality and that everyone gets educated as easily as they can breathe. The ones that have trouble breathing, I hope that you have access to the right medical treatments so you can enjoy life the way it is meant to be lived, one breath at a time.

I hope that you find the love that you have been waiting for, someone who is whole and someone who compliments you in every way. The kind of love that makes you want to be a better person. The kind of love that when you are around him/her, you’re home. The kind of love that cherishes your soul the way you deserve to be cherished. The kind of love that supports you and always only lifts you higher. The kind of love that will make you excited to wake up the next morning and find them next to you. The kind of love that you fall in love with everyday. The kind of love you want to have when you’re in heaven after having spent a life time together. I hope this for you and more.

Lastly, I hope that you have a wonderful day, leaving the worries of yesteryears behind you. It’s a new day, cherish it, love it and most importantly… live it.

Stay curious, my loves. X

Selectively Curious©

Cliche

Posted on by Selectively Curious

What a lovely sight it is. The sun peaking, barely visible through the building it appears to be rising behind from.

This photo was taken about 2.5 years ago, it was a photo walk I participated in and it started at 5am, just before sunrise. I went with two other people, who back then were barely aquaintances, one of whom now I consider to be one of my dearest friends.

Anyway now that you know the story behind the photo I would like to discuss a few things. To start, apologies for not having posted for the past two days, my days haven’t been the most inspirational and work has been busy.

Moving on, have I mentioned how much I love the sunrise? I feel it is the most beautiful time of the day and the best part is that most people are asleep and it feels like you’re part of an exclusive club. Kind of like you have the privilege to see this spectacular show (aka the sun rising) only because you woke up early. What a delightful treat.

Thinking of sunrise makes me think about a new day and the endless amount of opportunities a day has to offer. Everyday is a new beginning, as cliche as it sounds, filled with adventures and excitement. Speaking of cliche, Catherine Opie once said “the biggest cliche’s of photography is sunrise and sunset.” That’s quite curious, only because, truly I’ve never thought of it like that. It’s very accurate, sunsets and sunrises are photographed so very often, it is a cliche and yet the beauty of it justifies the cliche somehow. 

My all time favourite cliche is “you cant please everyone” I call it my favourite because, I take it as a personal challenge and try to prove the statement wrong. I like to please and my friends always say that even if I have successfully pleased those around me, I am not pleasing myself, thus proving the cliche right. Little do my friends know, that nothing pleases me more than to know that I was responsible for adding a tiny bit of joy into someone’s life. Call me selfish, but I do get a rush out of it.

Also, since with every sunrise comes a new day, it’s time for me to sleep so I can catch the sunrise. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Good night, beautiful people.

Selectively Curious©

 

Never lose your childish innocence

Posted on by Selectively Curious

As I was grabbing lunch today, I saw a little girl, skating on her scooter and as she went past me she was in her own little world, humming away.

It made me remember a line from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun, which is one of my favourite movies, when Katherine says “No matter what happens, always keep your childish innocence. It’s the most important thing” It is also something the Italian director and writer Fedrico Fellini said. 🙂

I really like the idea behind this, we get so caught up by the unnecessary stresses of life that we lose our childish innocence and it’s sad. I think it’s important to take a step back to reflect, re-ground ourselves and just keep it simple. To quote Leonardo Da Vinci

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication

I wholeheartedly agree with him. There’s elegance in being simple, which is why everyone I know owns a simple black dress (although their reasons can be entirely unrelated to this idea) and would also explain why Mona Lisa was such a masterpiece. If you analyse the painting, there’s nothing spectacular about it and at the same time everything about it is spectacular. It’s a simple paining of a simple looking woman and it represents so much grace, elegance and sophistication, in the way that she is smiling, sitting and looking at the painter. Arguably, she was drawn from the imagination of Leonardo Da Vinci and wasn’t an actual person, but still. I can somehow understand where he was coming from when he said that, even though maybe the context of why he said it might be completely different.

This also makes me think of Einstein’s quotes:

Things should be made as simple as possible but not any simpler

Things should be simple, I don’t understand the incessant need people have to complicate matters. For example, lawyers are known to be all fancy shmancy when usually they can say what needs to be said in three sentences rather than 3 paragraphs. Although, in our defense, this has changed immensely and good lawyers are known for their succinctness and the following quote emphasizes and proves that:

If you cannot explain it simply, you do not understand it well enough

and lastly, since I am speaking of keeping it simple, Einstein’s quote:

I believe that a simple and unassuming life is good for everybody physically and mentally

This is where I don’t agree with Einstein. I was listening to a song called Happiness sung by Needtobreath, a song I felt they sung for me as it resonates with me on so many levels and in the song they sing:

I’ve got dreams that keep me up in the dead of night telling me I wasn’t made for the simple life…

I don’t think everyone is made for the simple life and I don’t think one should be simple in every aspect of their life, just maybe in the way they communicate. I think a conscious effort must be made to keep things simple, don’t over stress and don’t sweat the small stuff. Sometimes it’s better to take things at face value and not allow yourself to overreact to something that’s nothing, don’t assume anything without having hard facts, as Eintein did say “unassuming life”. This point is crucial as the less you assume the more peaceful your life will be, mentally and if you’re mentally at peace then you’re mentally healthy, I think that makes you somewhat physically healthy too.I mention this because often times I find my girlfriends complaining about a man in their lives, where they’ve gone 100 miles away from the facts because they’ve assumed the worst and built a whole story in their mind. Having said that, a lot of the times they get the worst advice from their girlfriends.

If I can add any value to anyone’s life, please do not assume anything about anyone, until you know for a 100% that they’ve done something wrong and even then, give them the benefit of the doubt and hear their side of the story. 🙂

Featured image: I chose this photo for the featured image because there is nothing more innocent than nature, it’s simply beautiful and I didn’t use filters to enhance the image. At the same time, I like that over the horizon you can see the complexities of life, aka high rise buildings and it’s complex nature, thus demonstrating a balance in the world.

Selectively Curious©

 

40 light years away

Posted on by Selectively Curious

 

To infinite and beyond?

Nasa has found a new solar system which is only 4o lightyears away from us. How far is 40 light years away? After much reading, I think one light year is 5.88 trillion miles away. This begs the question, how is 40 lightyears away considered only? I understand that this discovery is astronomical, but really I do fail understand what all the fuss is about.

Here are a few questions that pop into my mind:

  1. Are we looking for another planet to live on?
  2. who would actually risk moving out of our atmosphere to explore a completely alien planet, which has no guaranteed oxygen levels
  3. even if life is discovered on those planets, how do we know we will be able to communicate with us, ok before I continue, this just just feels like pandora’s box.

Can we even travel 40 light years away? the simple answer to this is, before I get into the maths is that we do not have the technology to go fast enough to reach there. Apparently it will take 700,000 years to get there with our current technology. The fastest moving vehicle (if you can call it that) which is in the works to be built is called the Solar Probe plus and that will travel at a speed of 724,000km/hr and with that it will take approximately 57 years to reach the sun, which is only 0.00001581 light years away. Wow, so by that math, I can understand the excitement felt by finding 7 earth sized planets however I cannot relate to it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being cynical, it is a huge discovery and I have often laid awake in bed wondering if there is a parallel world out there, which a girl just like me, maybe doing the exact thing as I am write now, writing in her blog as I am. The possibilities of what is out here is actually endless and as far as I can remember, I’ve always believed that there are other beings  and it didn’t seem realistic for us to be the only ones in this vast endless universe.

In the words of Mulder (from the X-files) “the truth is out there”

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(Images used: google search)

Selectively Curious©

I used to be a morning person

Posted on by Selectively Curious

It’s weird how routines change.

I’m barely an afternoon person. Don’t get me wrong I’m not moody or irritable. I’m just unable to jump out of bed ready to attack the day. These days I slither out of bed and that in itself feels like a great achievement. I really should get a prize.

This morning as I did the daily slither, I thought to myself; how is it not the weekend yet. That’s a mystery which is as hard to solve as catcing Jack the Ripper.

I love my job, truly but this week has been so long, it’s why I didn’t post yesterday and I’m posting now as I have my breakfast: 

Ok, that’s not actually my breakfast, I had porridge this morning  before I left my house for work. I can’t drive on a starving since dinner stomach. I, in no way condone having a bad “breakfast” and because I am (or was) a morning person, breakfast is my favourite meal (I love it and can have it any time during the day)

So, why did it all change? Your guess is as good as mine. My curious mind will not rest till I figure it out and since time is short and I must start working, here are a few things that pop into my mind:

  1. Lack of motivation;
  2. Lack of sun (its been cloudy here all week, like London);
  3. I stopped taking my vitamin D supplements, they ran out and I was due to go back for another checkup to see if I’m not severely vitamin D deficient (which I was and I was taking the prescribed pills); and
  4. Lastly, I think my bed is just too darn comfortable and I love sleeping

Right, time for me to start my day.

Have a beautiful day  :).

P.S: featured image is one I took on an island called Lulu Island and I love how palm trees are the epitome of summer/sun/daytime and I like to call them happy trees. I used it as a featured photo to remind me that I used to feel like a palm tree (well, as close as a person can actually feel like a tree) and as the morning would start, I too would stand tall and proud. I must go back to being a palm tree :).

Selectively Curious©

Pistanthrophobia

Posted on by Selectively Curious

It’s the fear of trusting someone due to past experiences (it’s in the Macmillan dictionary as an actual word).

I’ve somehow managed to find a middle ground. Like many of you, I used to trust very easily, still do sometimes, it all depends on the vibe I get from the other person. However, in the past year, regardless of the vibe I feel I do not trust until they prove to me that they are worth trusting. The middle ground I mentioned is I have the ability to genuinely be someone’s friend and be loyal to that friendship but not trust them back. It’s hard to explain and my friends think it’s really weird but I guess that’s how I guard myself and yet don’t lose out on the opportunity to get to know someone or walk away just because I get an odd vibe. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to prove my gut feeling wrong, even though so far my gut feeling has won every time.

More than three years ago, I became friends with a friend of a friend. Pretty soon we were inseparable, like two peas in a pod. It was like we’ve known each other our whole lives and I loved spending time with her. Our energy was contagious and addictive. We were a great duo. However in time, I realised I shared everything with her and I barely knew anything about her and this hit me more when she betrayed me a few times and left me with insecurities I didn’t think I could ever have. I won’t get into the details of it as this isn’t a rant post but had to be shared to give you some background.

Featured photo is of my cat (may she rest in peace in kitty heaven) and I feel it’s so fitting for this post. She was happily sleeping and I woke her up and she gave me that look. The look of: “I trusted you human to not disturb me whilst I sleep, well never again shall I bestow such an honour upon you!” I miss her everyday but that’s a story for another day. [the colour of the text represents my emotions when I think of her, which is blue and yet blue is my favourite colour and of all that I have lost, she was my favourite :(. ]

Three years into the friendship, I realised I have no trust in her and yet I remain friends with her and loyal because I genuinely care about her. We do still have great times together. She has now begun to open up (she was someone who never trusted anyone, so I guess we really formed a balance, since I used to blindly trust). This made me curious and I wanted to understand why I did it, my friends do not understand why I am still friends with her and here are my reasons:

  1. We share the same wave length of thoughts, I can discuss and analyse things with her I can’t with other people
  2. We talk about things on a deeper level and I like that we challenge each other intellectually
  3. I actually think I’ve gotten smarter since I met her, as I read more (topics which I wouldn’t normally read about) and think about things logically, whereas before I would take things at face value and not really question it
  4. I wouldn’t refer to myself as witty but after I met her, I recognise wit and it’s an odd thing to say but I have the ability to play along in a witty scenario if need be (go figure?)
  5. I think she’s a great person despite what she’s done to me or other people (maybe I’m naive).

It seems like my friendship with her is for selfish reasons but it really isn’t. I’m always there for her and I do go out of my way as I would for any of my friends who I am close with (and trust), it’s just I don’t trust her. She was the first person I came across that made me realise that I can do that, I can have a genuine friendship without trust. Well, that’s probably the most grey I’ve ever been in a situation, which should be black and white. Also proves what the anonymous “they” say that everyone reacts to things in a different way.

What’s a friendship without trust? Well, here are a few things that pop into mind:

  1. I have no expectations
  2. I won’t get hurt or feel betrayed
  3. it’s shallow on a few levels and with this specific friend even the shallowness is grey because of our meaningful conversations, which covers a broad range of topics
  4. it’s actually good fun, in some ways because there is no trust, I feel less responsible
  5. on the other hand if the other person trusts you way more than you trust them, it can be quite burdensome and there’s only so many “not much is new” you can say before they begin to catch on.

Alas, as I’ve said a gazillion times. It is what it is. 🙂

Oddly, I like that I am capable of doing this. I really like people and I like how much I can learn and grow from people. There are 7 billion people in the world and I guess the way my mind works is that I’m not going to let a thing like trust get in the way of knowing someone. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle, it’s still a fairly new concept to me so let’s see how things pan out.

I wouldn’t say I have pistanthrophobia but I have learnt to be a little more cautious with my emotions.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. 🙂

Selectively Curious©

Heartbreak museum

Posted on by Selectively Curious

There’s a museum in Croatia that is dedicated to heartbreak. The founders of the museum travelled all over the world collecting memorabilia of people’s heartbreak. It’s called “Museum of broken relationships” and it represents every type of relationship, not just the boy loves girl and they fall out of love.

Funny thing about love, how do people wake up one morning and realise that they no longer love the person they were madly in love with just days ago? Could it be that they never really loved? Surely it’s not just a switch you can turn on and off, it has to be deeper than that, right?

Personally, when I love someone, regardless of if they are still apart of my life or not, the love continues and they will always have a special place in my heart. Sometimes I feel that I have a lot of love to give and not enough people/animals in the world to give it too. Maybe if I spread the love to insects too I would feel it’s enough but sadly, I do not like insects. Speaking of insects, not so long ago, I stepped out of my apartment and found a weird looking insect and I was convinced that it was poisonous and dangerous. I stepped on it, but barely and when I took my foot off of it, I saw it try to scurry away to the corner. That moment broke my heart and there wasn’t anything I could do to save it since the pain it was feeling was my fault. I always knew I was empathetic but I felt that was on a whole new level, I still feel guilty. Following on from my previous post, I think humans react to animals in an abusive way because of fear sometimes, as I did with the insect I stepped on. It’s good to be cautious of course but I think there are other ways we can get rid of insects, right?

On a side note, I love the way our brain works. I have a tendency of getting carried away with my thoughts and it’s fantastic. Often times before falling asleep, I think about things, as we do and I play a game with myself, tracing my steps if you like of how I got to the thought in that moment. Sometimes I win by tracing back accurately and other times I don’t because the thought is so far from my initial thought that it gets frustrating trying to remember my initial thought.

Anyway, featured photo represents comfort food, which is the best for heartbreak and who doesn’t love donuts? Well I for one may have a mild obsession with donuts. However, have you ever tried a cronut? THAT’S JUST THE BEST THING EVER! It’s a mix between a donut and a croissant, utterly divine, I’m salivating at the thought of it. 😀

I’m off for a nap. Thank you for reading. 🙂

Selectively Curious©

 

Are we really free?

Posted on by Selectively Curious

Disclaimer: This post will be a bit of a ramble, so bear with me.

One of the things I really dislike about the world is how humans have a tendency to cage things. Animal cruelty, as much as it may have reduced since back in the day, is still a massive problem we are facing. Sometimes it’s not even intentional cruelty but pollution/littering that causes some animals to be in agony.

I saw a video, not long ago, with a turtle in it. A man had that turtle on his lap while another person tries to pull a straw out of his nose. It was painful to watch and I cannot imagine how painful it was for the turtle going through that torture. It made me happy when it was finally out and it can be free to breathe as it did before the straw got stuck up there. There are various other videos I have watched and truth be told it makes me sangry (a word I just made up describing the intense feeling of sadness and anger).

I’m no psychology major or expert, in fact I barely know anything about psychology at all. However, I do know that people who go about torturing innocent beings (be it people or animals) may have gone through some sort of trauma in their lives for them to do such mental things. Unless you’re like Geoffrey from GOT then you’re just a very bad human being and you have no defence. Having said that, Geoffrey was probably mental because of incest? Who knows. Going back to the point I was trying to make, people who trap or abuse helpless animals may have been a victim of some sort of abuse too and it’s just a vicious cycle.

Now that I’ve set the thought process behind this post, let me dig a little deeper to explain the title of the post. Why do we trap animals and keep them in Zoos? They’re meant to be wild and free. Just like us when we were created, it’s like the saying goes, you can take an animal out of the jungle but you can’t take the jungle out of the animal.

I think that applies to all of us in some ways. I guess the most specific way it applies to humans is that we want freedom, freedom to do, say, wear and be how we want. We may have become more sophisticated over the centuries, but have we really? We’re more “superior” in some ways compared to other animals because of our minds and the ability humans have of sharing knowledge. Having said all that, we’ve build massive cities with tall sky scrappers and it’s like an urban jungle as stated in BBC’s documentary titled “Planet Earth”(it’s an excellent 6 part documentary, you must watch it). In the cities we have built, we’ve put ourselves into boxes (aka apartments,villas, houses, etc) so how does that make us free? That would explain the thought process behind Zoos. It’s like subconsciously people envy the fact that animals are truly free and humans being “superior”  have caged themselves and in turn they cage animals. Arguably, yes we do roam around freely but at the end of the day we go back to shelters we have built (aka our cages, which we pay good money for). It’s so interesting, the way people are.

Food for thought?

Selectively Curious©

If you could go back in time, what would you change?

Posted on by Selectively Curious

Nothing.

That’s a simple answer, I guess. I do not have regrets, especially in relation to the mistakes I have made, I would make those all over again if it would mean that it would bring me to where I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in an ideal place in my life, I have a long way to go to be close to where I want to be; at the same time I really like who I have become and I truly have come a long way from where I was.

Going back to the beginning, I didn’t start speaking until I was about 4. I could say words but I did not formulate sentences very well. My mother has always been very intuitive, so she knew what I was trying to say to her and because she understood me so well, I guess on some level I didn’t feel the need to talk or formulate sentences. When I started school, the first memory I have is not being able to speak English. I remember speaking to the teacher and other kids in my mother tongue and being quite confused as to what was going on. It’s quite incredible the way the human mind works and the ability of teachers to teach children a whole new language. With time I learnt English. I was a very shy child. I was always hiding behind my mother, whenever we went out. I think I’d describe myself as Bambi if I could relate to any cartoon and at the time Bambi was my favourite. My shyness still remains, ever so slightly that it’s barely visible. I have “grown up” so to speak and even if I feel overwhelmed, I have gotten quite good at “fake it till you make it”

Speaking of mistakes, one I would like to mention is not doing well enough in my A levels, which lead to me having no offers from universities. (That’s a story for another time).

Fast forwarding till I moved to London for university, I had gotten my dorm room and my parents were there to make sure I settled in nicely. After they had left, I sat in my tiny room, looked outside the window and immediately missed home. I never felt more alone and at that moment self pity kicked in. I have always been capable of taking care of myself, but in that moment all I could think of is how much I wanted to be in the comfort of my home. After a few days of wallowing, I got bored of myself and decided to make the most of it and started socialising and just opening up. I decided that I did not want to be shy anymore and really went out of my way to get out of my comfort zone. I joined various societies and even ran for treasurer for a society (got elected twice). It did wonders for my confidence and it is then that I realised that I actually really like people. Everyone is interesting in one way or another and people tended to open up to me, which in the beginning I would find to be strange. I do not trust easily, yet I would find people opening up to me as if they have known me their whole lives. It made me feel nice to be peoples’ confidant and give them the encouragement they needed to overcome whatever obstacles they were facing. I learnt that at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be understood.

I have made a lot of mistakes along the way, taken some wrong turns, got hurt and I know that I will make new ones as I am still on this earth. With every mistake I come one step closer to my destiny, grow more confident and wise. I would not have it any other way. 🙂

Selectively Curious©