life

Rain in the desert (100happydays – day 10)

Posted on by Selectively Curious

I fell asleep before I published this.

Yesterday was a long day and as I did my weekly commute from Dubai to Abu Dhabi, it was raining. Unlike London, rain is welcomed in the desert such as the United Arab Emirates (UAE). It’s considered a blessing as it means that temperatures will drop to about 15 degrees (celcius). Those of you who watch Game of Thrones, I’m sure you are familiar with the wonder of when “winter is coming”, here in the UAE we often wonder the same thing.

Yesterday’s rain has determined winter to have arrived. (huray)

When I first moved to London, I loved rain, however after the first few days of rain my love was changing into something less favourable. I didnt want to get out of bed to go to my classes. I felt my body crave sunlight desperately. Having been in the desert for most of my life, I was used to having 360 days of sun, so I am very much a sunny, warm weather person. It took a lot of getting used to.

Have you ever been curious about why the weather effects our mood?

Since this post is about rain in the desert, I will only explore two types of weather, sunny days and rainy days.

Rain causes you to eat more. Rainy days can cause your serotonin levels to dip, which increases carbohydrate cravings.  It has been scientifically proven and according to Judith Wurtman, former scientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and co-author of The Serotonin Power Diet, eating carbohydrates helps people feel better because the carbs immediately increase serotonin levels.That explains why I wanted to have a jacket potato, every single day whilst in London. All day, erryday.

Now for sunlight, the positive effects are, to name a few, people are more optimistic, open to possibilities, helpful and makes people spend more money. Well now, if you’ve been to the middle east, which is filled with fancy cars, fancy buildings, basically endless fanciness (mashaAllah) the last point explains a lot. Lack of cloudy weather and increase in positive mood makes people shop and well in the case of the UAE, build a wonderful nation.

Over the years I have learnt to not be effected by the weather, of course it is much easier to remain a positive person back in the UAE, however even in London the last couple of years I was there, I would embrace the weather, whether good or “bad” because I knew, the sun would shine again. In the words of John Ruskin, who was Irish and I would like to take a moment before I quote him to emphasise how much I like Irish people. They’re so warm at heart and honestly one of the nicest people I have come across. Anyway this is what he said “Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. We may have bad weather in Ireland, but the sun shines in the hearts of the people and that keeps us all warm.”

(Featured photo: Someone I used to know sent it to me last year)

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If you could go back in time, what would you change?

Posted on by Selectively Curious

Nothing.

That’s a simple answer, I guess. I do not have regrets, especially in relation to the mistakes I have made, I would make those all over again if it would mean that it would bring me to where I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in an ideal place in my life, I have a long way to go to be close to where I want to be; at the same time I really like who I have become and I truly have come a long way from where I was.

Going back to the beginning, I didn’t start speaking until I was about 4. I could say words but I did not formulate sentences very well. My mother has always been very intuitive, so she knew what I was trying to say to her and because she understood me so well, I guess on some level I didn’t feel the need to talk or formulate sentences. When I started school, the first memory I have is not being able to speak English. I remember speaking to the teacher and other kids in my mother tongue and being quite confused as to what was going on. It’s quite incredible the way the human mind works and the ability of teachers to teach children a whole new language. With time I learnt English. I was a very shy child. I was always hiding behind my mother, whenever we went out. I think I’d describe myself as Bambi if I could relate to any cartoon and at the time Bambi was my favourite. My shyness still remains, ever so slightly that it’s barely visible. I have “grown up” so to speak and even if I feel overwhelmed, I have gotten quite good at “fake it till you make it”

Speaking of mistakes, one I would like to mention is not doing well enough in my A levels, which lead to me having no offers from universities. (That’s a story for another time).

Fast forwarding till I moved to London for university, I had gotten my dorm room and my parents were there to make sure I settled in nicely. After they had left, I sat in my tiny room, looked outside the window and immediately missed home. I never felt more alone and at that moment self pity kicked in. I have always been capable of taking care of myself, but in that moment all I could think of is how much I wanted to be in the comfort of my home. After a few days of wallowing, I got bored of myself and decided to make the most of it and started socialising and just opening up. I decided that I did not want to be shy anymore and really went out of my way to get out of my comfort zone. I joined various societies and even ran for treasurer for a society (got elected twice). It did wonders for my confidence and it is then that I realised that I actually really like people. Everyone is interesting in one way or another and people tended to open up to me, which in the beginning I would find to be strange. I do not trust easily, yet I would find people opening up to me as if they have known me their whole lives. It made me feel nice to be peoples’ confidant and give them the encouragement they needed to overcome whatever obstacles they were facing. I learnt that at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be understood.

I have made a lot of mistakes along the way, taken some wrong turns, got hurt and I know that I will make new ones as I am still on this earth. With every mistake I come one step closer to my destiny, grow more confident and wise. I would not have it any other way. 🙂

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Random

Posted on by Selectively Curious

Oddly enough, I’m not sure why I didn’t pick “Random” to be the name of my blog. I’m often accused of being random, I have spontaneous sparks of thoughts which I blurt out (whatsapp mostly), immediately after I’ve had them and the thoughts are usually unrelated to what is/was being discussed. Oh, now I know, I am more curious than I am random and my randomness stems from my curiosity (all is right in the world again.)

There have been many times I have started a piece of writing and not completed it and when I go back to it, I’ve lost the chain of thought I had or motivation to continue. So this blog post is dedicated to a piece of writing I titled as “random” 4 years ago. I haven’t edited the below and it’s interesting to see that my writing style is consistent, don’t you think?

Have you ever liked someone so much that every time you looked at them your heart ached? Feeling completely and utterly in love with someone, who is completely oblivious to your feelings and emotions, yet you believe with every cell in your body that you are made for each other. It’s funny, she loves him because she loves him, he’s never led her on or shown any interest romantically. Yet after numerous efforts to let it go and get over it, she just can’t. So she loves him, for no other reason but for love. In his words, “No I’m not predictable, I am compatible” Not sure what he meant by that, but then again he says a lot of things that didn’t make sense. Maybe he is as complex as he claims to be? This story isn’t original but it is without a doubt relatable. It’s a tale as old as time, Girl likes Boy, Boy likes someone else and that someone else doesn’t like Boy. So I can’t even call it a love triangle, it’s more of a love line. I’m not sure how this story ends, but I know how it begins and I know how it’s progressed, the rest is up to God, fate, destiny (whatever you may believe in).

“Meh” she said out loud as the people around her on the Picadilly line looked at her before turning back to their newspapers, kindles, iPads or even back to looking at the nothingness to avoid the awkward eye contact that only Londoners would understand. Thats the beauty of London, there are so many people from all over the world that anyone who has lived there can find that he/she belongs. That’s what she felt, her comment, if you can even refer to “meh” as a comment was merely one of disappointment. She wanted so many things and though things seldom went her way, this time she felt like she was losing a battle she used all her strength to win. She loved being in London so much that it hurt to think she had to leave it all behind and move on. She turned and looked at the people around her, breaking one of the unwritten rules of being in a tube. She looked around and took it all in, the man standing with lip piercings and spiky hair, bobbing his head to whatever was playing in his iPod as he swayed with the train. “This is Green park, change here for the jubilee and victoria lines. Exit here for Bukingham Palace”

The featured image is just one I chose at random, coincidentally on purpose (is that a thing?) 🙂

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Drapetomania

Posted on by Selectively Curious

The title of this post means “an overwhelming urge to runaway” It’s amazing how you can take that out of context as most things nowadays. The word itself was the name of an illness which Samuel A Cartwright hypothesized to cause black slaves to flee captivity. Of course this theory was later debunked as it is outright racist.

Nowadays this word has become quite mainstream, you’ll see many people sharing it on social media because people have developped drapetomania. Living in the UAE I can say without a doubt that we have a really cushy life and it was here that I discovered the word to be more commonly used than in London, where it is not so cushy. Isn’t it ironic? (it’s like raaaaaain on your wedding dayyy). It makes me curious if it is the cushyness which makes people lazy and bored. Things can become shallow if you allow yourself to get comfortable and this overwhelming urge really does become an illness as the word was orginally intended to be used. One question that does spring to mind is that what is it that people want to run away from? Honestly, maybe I am biased, but in my opinion the UAE is the best place to live because truly it is the good life. Yet, I also find myself wanting to run away, it’s contagious and I have caught this illness at various points in my life, since I have moved back to my childhood home.

After much analysis and ponderings I have come to an unconclusive conclusion that maybe it’s feeling the motions, kind of like the notion of “misery loves company”so even though I may have this urge to run away technically its not the place I want to run away from or the life I have here, it’s the people I have chosen to surround myself with, who all suffer from this illness. The reality is that people are just unhappy, they have everything and yet they are unhappy, unfullfilled and can’t help but compare their life to those around them. It’s so easy to complain and forget the blessings they are surrounded with, it’s so easy to be negative and ask “why me” and wallow in your own hole of self pity and it’s not only addictive but the thought process can get quite contagious to those who just want to feel like they belong. Human beings are funny, we might as well be sheep. Why live like that?

After two years of being in an on and off state of drapetomania, I feel more stable and I no longer have an urge to run away. I now have wanderlust (another word that has become so mainstream) however it is not an illness, it is part of my selective curioustiy. I want to see the world I live in, I want to explore and I want to experience this world the way it was intended. It is a dream rather than a need and I like that it’s a more peaceful way to approach life. Zen for the win (pronounced as wen because I want it to rhyme). 🙂

Featured photo:https://blackthen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/runawaye.jpeg.jpg

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Coincidence 

Posted on by Selectively Curious

Just for the record this post has been inspired by La La Land, if you haven’t watched it and even if musicals aren’t your thing I would highly recommend checking it out. It’s got a beautiful message and I won’t dwell on the nitty gritty of the story line but it made me remember how much I love coincidences…or the Latin pronunciation of the word… coinkidink (lol).

When I was younger I strongly believed that there is no such thing as a coincidence and that everything always happens for a reason because everything is connected in one way or another. It is my most favourite type of circumstance and whether it’s a surprise or shock or annoyance I love the rush of emotions one feels in a circumstance of a coincidence. Being a bit older I now believe that a coincidence is just a coincidence and it doesn’t mean anything. Funny how views change.

After I was done with the movie (which I watched today, well yesterday since it is past midnight here) I was telling my friend how much I loved the concept it showed and how coincidences are just the best. We went to dinner and lo and behold on the table not far from us I see a group of people I have been aquatinted with in the past, however my friend who introduced me to this group of people wasn’t there so I didn’t go up and greet them. I was shy and a little afraid that maybe they don’t remember me and I didn’t want to go through the embarrassment.

Almost being done with dinner my friend actually shows up and so I go up to say hi (it would just be plain rude if I didn’t and also because she is a really good friend of mine). I tapped her on her arm as she was hugging someone hello and when she turns to me her eyes widen and she gives me the biggest hug and literally lifts me off my feet! I’ve never experienced such happiness to see me. The surprise on her face was priceless and just incredible.

Friends are such a pure form of blessings and tonight made me realise that maybe everything really does happen for a reason and it’s not just coincidence. In this specific situation, I guess the truth will reveal itself in time as it always does. Maybe, just maybe I’ll start believing in fate again and how everything may truly be connected, the way I used to when I was younger.

(Featured image: found by google image searching “coincidence”)

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Happiness is overrated

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Let’s face it, happiness is cake. Simple.

The pursuit of happiness, what does that even mean? Is happiness something that can be achieved? It is something that I often find myself wondering about. The curious thing is that happiness is not tangible so I agree with the notion of ‘you cannot buy happiness’. You can not wait for happiness, it is not something that is around the corner coming your way and it is not something you can work towards.

Scientifically it can be broken down to be dopamine, maybe, which is a compound present in the body as a neurotransmitter and a precursor of other substances including adrenaline (as defined in the oxford dictionary).It is synthesised in the brain and the kidneys. Which would explain why Katut in Eat, Pray, Love asked Liz if she was smiling from her kidneys.

I have learnt that happiness is within you, it is your core, kind of like you have a switch inside you and all you have to do is turn it on. It is not the designer bag you have always wanted and finally got, it’s not getting your dream job or your dream car or your dream house (you get my gist). My grandfather told me when I was very young, ‘Fatima if you want to compare your life to someone, compare it to those who are worse off than you, that way you will never be unhappy and at the same time look at those who are better off and grow from it,’ It is something that stayed with me.

Maybe happiness is within you, it is how you feel when you step out and have a cool breeze touching your face as the warm glorious sun gleams down at you. It is marshmallows in your hot chocolate with whipped cream on a cold winter’s night or any hot drink that spreads the warmth inside of you and makes you believe that everything is going to be ok. Happiness is coming home to your family. Coming home and having your cat/dog greet you. It’s the simple things in life.

Happiness is so many things, that when you think about it you can not say it is just one thing because it is everything. 🙂

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