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Are you too hard on yourself?

Posted on April 5, 2017 by Selectively Curious

Yes!

I like to please people and I like to be liked and yet I also do what I like. I’m a people pleaser but not a carpet, so to speak. The inspiration for today’s post stems from a few things, such as my job, my friends and the way that I am.

Today at work I was given a task, which I didn’t do incorrectly but it wasn’t as it was expected to be done and it upset my supervisor. My mistake, in hindsight, is poor time management. I was given another task by a partner which was just as urgent and I should have communicated that with my direct supervisor. The problem is that I really wanted to complete the task myself. I ended up taking too long to turn it around, because of the second task and then the work product I delivered wasn’t great. I feel just awful about it and there isn’t anything I can do fix that. Ugh, tomorrow should be a better day! #needaholiday

Now the friend issue, it’s most inconvenient. I have learnt to not trust too easily so I chose not to share something with her. I have since shared the information and she got upset about it because I didn’t tell her sooner, she now has her guard up and won’t speak to me as before. I understand her point of view but I’m not sure how to convince her that it isn’t personal and I don’t share everything with everyone, it’s just the way that I am.

Quite a dilemma, it seems. I’m curious to see how tomorrow will turn out.

You maybe curious the connection of the featured photo to this post. Well, I like rainbows and in days where I’m disappointed, I love how the simplest things such as a rainbow shining in darkness, makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. 🙂

Selectively Curious©

Sensitive soul

Posted on April 3, 2017 by Selectively Curious

The most difficult thing I’ve come to realise is trying to still be good to those who only do you wrong. When I was younger it would make me curious how my parents were always good to those, even if they were wronged. I grew up with such morals and have been taught that no matter what happens, always be kind.

How do you maintain a balance? I am a sensitive soul, in hind sight, I always have been. I feel deeply about everything, whether it be happiness, sadness, confusion, anger, and anxiousness (can’t think of any more words to describe emotions).

You may ask, what is a sensitive soul? Well for one, don’t be fooled by such individuals, they may be sensitive but they are far from weak. They have the ability to put aside their own needs and feelings to cater to those that need a boost. Their ability to feel deeply makes them great empaths thus helps them truly understand what the other person is going through. Often times people are unable to express how they feel and the sensitive soul will verbalise those feelings to the point, which shocks some people, sometimes. The emotions they feel are their strength as they allow themselves to feel deeply, thus making them able to handle a situation and controlling their feelings better than those who brush their emotions to the side. They can handle more than most because they’re used to feeling more than most.

Being a sensitive soul also gives you a hightened intuition in someways because they notice everything, even the most minor details such as a change of expression on someone’s face, which may have only lasted for a second. At times when logic makes no sense, their souls are able to come up with answers that does make sense. However there is a flip side, often such people have insecurities that cloud their intuition, as I have experienced many times and I think it’s important to listen to your intuition. Even if your mind tells you otherwise, listen to your inner voice, before the voice disappears forever.

Being around a sensitive soul, you will notice that they give you their undivided attention (to be fair sometimes people drag on a story longer than it should be and I get distracted). They can judge a situation and give you what you need. Even if it is just someone to sit quietly with. There is comfort in silence.

They have compassion on a deeper level and have the ability to move the world. Their kindness shines through their face and you can feel the genuine love they have to offer. They have so much to give and the ability to give wholeheartedly without being worn down. If anything the giving fuels them, especially when they see the joy on people’s faces. That is priceless.

Selectively Curious©

Have you ever?

Posted on March 31, 2017 by Selectively Curious

Have you ever looked at a full grown person and wondered what they looked like when they were babies?

It used to be my favourite thing to do when I didn’t have my ipod or a book to read on the tube (aka the underground train in London). Of course I would look away before any eye contact was made, didn’t want to be break the unwritten rule of “no eye contact”. I love how my imagination takes me to unknown territory. It’s not easy of course to picture a man with a full grown beard as a baby, or an older person who looks so tired and sick of life and it shows on the face.

Have you ever cut your hair? I don’t mean just snippets, trimmed but actually completely chop off your long hair into really short, ear length hair?

It’s absolutely the most liberating activity I have taken a part in and I’ve done it a few times. Usually when I feel that I’m losing control of certain aspects of my life and the frustration gets to me, I pick up a pair or scissors and just cut it all off. I love it and it’s actually quite addictive. I probably would never shave it all off completely but who knows what the future holds.

Have you ever seen something and not believe your own eyes, something that may be paranormal?

When I was younger, I used to play the piano. I wasn’t very good but I would play random things, reminds me I should probably take it up again. Anyway, on one of those days, I was sitting by the window about to play and I see black smoke come out of a building opposite mine. One of the apartments was on fire and I could see the flames burning and in that moment I see a figure step out on to the balcony of his/her apartment and just lean on the ledge. I stopped and looked a little closer and I saw that the man’s (or well at least it looked like a man) arm was on fire and he was just standing there. I ran to go call my brothers to see what was happening but by the time we came back to the window, the man had gone. I still can’t believe what I saw. He was just standing there as his arm burnt.

Have you ever been electrocuted?

Just once and it felt really weird. My mom asked me to change a light bulb in the living room. I took the new bulb and walked over to the lamp that needed the change, barefoot. As I put my hand on the old bulb, to twist it out, I felt a shock go through my whole arm and my hand got stuck to the bulb. First impulse of any person, is to get away from the hurt, in any way. Since my hand was stuck to the bulb I moved away (all whilst screaming and shaking). It all happened so fast and the next thing I knew, the porcelain lamp had fallen and shattered on the ground. I broke free from the electrocution. Honestly, I didn’t even realise I was screaming until my brother came out and asked me why I was screaming.

Have you ever been determined and stuck by it?

Story of my life, which sometimes tickles me.

Selectively Curious©

Happy International Woman’s day

Posted on March 8, 2017 by Selectively Curious

Is this day sexist? No it isn’t I just checked.

Funny, I’ve never really heard about International Men’s day, but it does exist and their day is the 19 of November.

This year’s theme for Woman’s Day is #beboldforchange, please click here if you want to be bold for change. This post will be filled with inspirational quotes, and my perspective of those quotes, which will be applicable for both women and men, alike.

In the words of Marie Curie:

Now is the time to understand more, so we may fear less

In the current climate and due to internet, we have access to a vast amount of information and thankfully we have also been blessed with a mind. So now, more than ever, is the time to understand, once we understand, automatically fear diminishes. It’s amazing how Marie Curie said this maybe 100 years ago and I think this quote will be applicable in all times and ages. For those of you who don’t know and want to increase your knowledge on a deeper level, you can sign up to free university courses here. It’s an excellent platform and that includes a variety of subjects. Let’s be bold and learn more, so that we can better understand the world we live in.

I love Coco Chanel, so this post would not be complete without a quote from her:

The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.

I agree and her words inspire me, every time I feel shy about speaking up. I think life’s too short for every thought to just be a thought, thoughts dream to be real and the only way you can make your thought’s dream come true is to say them out loud. Don’t be shy, don’t be rude and be bold. Speak up, the world deserves to hear you and you deserve to be heard, it’s definitely something I must constantly remind myself.

Speaking of dreams, reminds me of Frida Kahlo’s quote:

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?

I really like that, especially since for those of you who don’t know this, Frida was in an awful accident which rendered her paralyzed from the waist down. I love the positivity this quote demonstrates and I believe we all have what it takes, if only we believe in our selves, the way she did.

One must also be confident in their abilities, so I think it’s not enough to just believe in ourselves, Cleopatra put it so eloquently:

I will not be triumphed over

I love that. I love the simplicity of this quote and yet how much power it holds. As many of you may know, Cleopatra was the last Pharaoh of Egypt and people were drawn to her, not because of her beauty which is a myth as she is now known to be a simple looking woman but for her wit and intellect. She had charm and charisma that Caesar and Antony could not resist. Above all, I think it was her confidence that made her as alluring as it did.

I could go on endlessly as there are many inspiring great women, however I do not want this post to drag on. Maya Angelou is one of my favourite writers and I feel it is worth mentioning her too, so lastly but most certainly not the least, Maya Angelou said:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maybe I haven’t lived long enough to learn what she learnt, which lead to her saying that but it is the way I live my life. I like to be liked and I like to be there for others and add some value to their lives. I want to be remembered for my kindness and I try to be. Although often times it’s not easy to be kind all the time, specifically when I’m hungry and tired, then it’s a mission impossible. All silliness aside, I must say I do agree with her. I am an empath and I feel what others feel on an intense level, which makes me cautious before I do or say something which could be remotely hurtful to others. People do forget what you have done for them and maybe the thing that they remember is how you made them feel.

Happy International Woman’s day, we’ve come a long way as women and we must strive to be better, always, in every way. #beboldforachange and let the change be for women to empower each other rather than put each other down. 🙂

Featured image: google search images for “we can do it”

Selectively Curious©

Never lose your childish innocence

Posted on March 6, 2017 by Selectively Curious

As I was grabbing lunch today, I saw a little girl, skating on her scooter and as she went past me she was in her own little world, humming away.

It made me remember a line from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun, which is one of my favourite movies, when Katherine says “No matter what happens, always keep your childish innocence. It’s the most important thing” It is also something the Italian director and writer Fedrico Fellini said. 🙂

I really like the idea behind this, we get so caught up by the unnecessary stresses of life that we lose our childish innocence and it’s sad. I think it’s important to take a step back to reflect, re-ground ourselves and just keep it simple. To quote Leonardo Da Vinci

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication

I wholeheartedly agree with him. There’s elegance in being simple, which is why everyone I know owns a simple black dress (although their reasons can be entirely unrelated to this idea) and would also explain why Mona Lisa was such a masterpiece. If you analyse the painting, there’s nothing spectacular about it and at the same time everything about it is spectacular. It’s a simple paining of a simple looking woman and it represents so much grace, elegance and sophistication, in the way that she is smiling, sitting and looking at the painter. Arguably, she was drawn from the imagination of Leonardo Da Vinci and wasn’t an actual person, but still. I can somehow understand where he was coming from when he said that, even though maybe the context of why he said it might be completely different.

This also makes me think of Einstein’s quotes:

Things should be made as simple as possible but not any simpler

Things should be simple, I don’t understand the incessant need people have to complicate matters. For example, lawyers are known to be all fancy shmancy when usually they can say what needs to be said in three sentences rather than 3 paragraphs. Although, in our defense, this has changed immensely and good lawyers are known for their succinctness and the following quote emphasizes and proves that:

If you cannot explain it simply, you do not understand it well enough

and lastly, since I am speaking of keeping it simple, Einstein’s quote:

I believe that a simple and unassuming life is good for everybody physically and mentally

This is where I don’t agree with Einstein. I was listening to a song called Happiness sung by Needtobreath, a song I felt they sung for me as it resonates with me on so many levels and in the song they sing:

I’ve got dreams that keep me up in the dead of night telling me I wasn’t made for the simple life…

I don’t think everyone is made for the simple life and I don’t think one should be simple in every aspect of their life, just maybe in the way they communicate. I think a conscious effort must be made to keep things simple, don’t over stress and don’t sweat the small stuff. Sometimes it’s better to take things at face value and not allow yourself to overreact to something that’s nothing, don’t assume anything without having hard facts, as Eintein did say “unassuming life”. This point is crucial as the less you assume the more peaceful your life will be, mentally and if you’re mentally at peace then you’re mentally healthy, I think that makes you somewhat physically healthy too.I mention this because often times I find my girlfriends complaining about a man in their lives, where they’ve gone 100 miles away from the facts because they’ve assumed the worst and built a whole story in their mind. Having said that, a lot of the times they get the worst advice from their girlfriends.

If I can add any value to anyone’s life, please do not assume anything about anyone, until you know for a 100% that they’ve done something wrong and even then, give them the benefit of the doubt and hear their side of the story. 🙂

Featured image: I chose this photo for the featured image because there is nothing more innocent than nature, it’s simply beautiful and I didn’t use filters to enhance the image. At the same time, I like that over the horizon you can see the complexities of life, aka high rise buildings and it’s complex nature, thus demonstrating a balance in the world.

Selectively Curious©

The City of Bath

Posted on February 26, 2017 by Selectively Curious

I went on a road trip to Bath with my best friend.

It was one of those holidays I want to re-live over and over again. It was just before the christmas market stalls were set up, so the magic of christmas was everywhere. I love the way the air felt when we got out of the car and took our luggage out. We were quite lucky, it was a sunny day and we had the chance to really enjoy the city.

This is where we stayed:

It was the cutest little hotel and in such a convenient location. It had a really satisfying english breakfast and the best pecan danish I have ever had. I LOVE pecan danishes, it’s probably my favourite pastry. It was perfectly crisp and fresh and the pecans were crunchy, just as they should be. It was delightful.

We were only there for one night and when we woke up the next morning, I nudged my friend awake. We were just getting our teas when I noticed that we could climb out of our windows and sit on the roof. This was our view:

We sat there for a few minutes just taking in the freezing air. Crazy how things have changed so much since that day, she’s married now, with the cutest kid I’ve ever met, I moved away and I feel our lives have gone in such opposite directions, it breaks my heart at times. I feel I don’t have much in common with her anymore, however I do have a tendency of over exaggerating things in my mind. Well, regardless of how things pan out in the future and where our lives take us next, we will always have Bath, London and Scotland (all the places we’ve been together) and she will always be my best friend. It boggles my mind how it’s been almost three years since we sat on the roof, enjoying the view, not even speaking. It was pure bliss.

Saying that I miss it is an understatement and it’s weird because I haven’t really thought about that trip of mine until today, as I was flicking through my photos and remembered it. Bath is a beautiful city and here are a few photos of the city:

We were only there a day and a half and I think we covered all the main attractions. Things you must see/do:

the Roman Baths (of course), it’s a natural spring and the water is naturally warm, the temperature ranges from 69 -96 degrees celsius. Quite fascinating.
You have to eat a Bath bun, I’m salivating by just mentioning it.
You must also try their fudge, it’s divine.
We did a very touristy thing, which was to have high tea at the Pump room, it was my favourite part. I love tea and scones and everything that represents high tea.
Bath Abbey
The Royal Crescent and the Circus (shame the trees were so bare, otherwise the circus is quite a sight)

Would I go back? Absolutely. It’s no wonder Jane Austen was such a good author, aside from her talents, she lived in a place that I feel does inspire so much creativity.

The city has so much character, it’s charming around every corner, not to mention it’s drenched in such rich history. The people are equally charming. 🙂

Selectively Curious©

Everyday is a fashion show and the world is the runway – Coco Chanel

Posted on February 25, 2017 by Selectively Curious

I went to my first fashion show today.

It was a great experience. It started off with a networking event and as we walked on the velvety red carpet up to where they were serving the hors d’oeuvres, I felt like a star. More so, when my picture was taken by professional photographers, one was from the national newspaper, Khaleej Times… I wonder if I will be in the newspaper.

I love fashion, I’m too lazy to go shopping most of the time but I really love clothes and shoes, oh especially shoes. A few years ago, I wanted to be a designer. I designed my own dresses sometimes sadly my drawing isn’t great but my tailor is great, he understands what I want, most of the times. However, when I say designer, I actually wanted to be a bag designer, rather than a clothes one. I had a great idea for the next big thing, the only problem was, I didn’t know where I could get the bag manufactured. I had figured out how to get leather from a wholesale supplier. I haven’t given up on the idea and today’s fashion show was a reminder for me to go through with getting the bag manufactured and see how the world reacts to my design.

Today’s designer’s story is so great. It was her first fashion show. Before I continue, I want to share a few snippets of the show:

She had been designing clothes from a young age and opened her own boutique in 2012. Since then, her client base has grown consistently and it’s truly impressive how her popularity has grown, yet it is not surprising and the photos speak for themselves, every piece is beautifully unique. Her style is original and tailored for the individual’s style rather than just what’s in fashion. Goes back to what I’ve mentioned before, never give up because one day you will make it and have the privilege of having your own fashion show. How delightful!

I loved being a part of this. If you would like to know more about the collection, please visit this website (p.s. I wasn’t asked to advertise this, just thought that it’s nice for us to stick together and help each other achieve our dreams 🙂 ).

40 light years away

Posted on February 23, 2017 by Selectively Curious

To infinite and beyond?

Nasa has found a new solar system which is only 4o lightyears away from us. How far is 40 light years away? After much reading, I think one light year is 5.88 trillion miles away. This begs the question, how is 40 lightyears away considered only? I understand that this discovery is astronomical, but really I do fail understand what all the fuss is about.

Here are a few questions that pop into my mind:

Are we looking for another planet to live on?
who would actually risk moving out of our atmosphere to explore a completely alien planet, which has no guaranteed oxygen levels
even if life is discovered on those planets, how do we know we will be able to communicate with us, ok before I continue, this just just feels like pandora’s box.

Can we even travel 40 light years away? the simple answer to this is, before I get into the maths is that we do not have the technology to go fast enough to reach there. Apparently it will take 700,000 years to get there with our current technology. The fastest moving vehicle (if you can call it that) which is in the works to be built is called the Solar Probe plus and that will travel at a speed of 724,000km/hr and with that it will take approximately 57 years to reach the sun, which is only 0.00001581 light years away. Wow, so by that math, I can understand the excitement felt by finding 7 earth sized planets however I cannot relate to it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being cynical, it is a huge discovery and I have often laid awake in bed wondering if there is a parallel world out there, which a girl just like me, maybe doing the exact thing as I am write now, writing in her blog as I am. The possibilities of what is out here is actually endless and as far as I can remember, I’ve always believed that there are other beings and it didn’t seem realistic for us to be the only ones in this vast endless universe.

In the words of Mulder (from the X-files) “the truth is out there”

(Images used: google search)

I used to be a morning person

Posted on February 21, 2017 by Selectively Curious

It’s weird how routines change.

I’m barely an afternoon person. Don’t get me wrong I’m not moody or irritable. I’m just unable to jump out of bed ready to attack the day. These days I slither out of bed and that in itself feels like a great achievement. I really should get a prize.

This morning as I did the daily slither, I thought to myself; how is it not the weekend yet. That’s a mystery which is as hard to solve as catcing Jack the Ripper.

I love my job, truly but this week has been so long, it’s why I didn’t post yesterday and I’m posting now as I have my breakfast:

Ok, that’s not actually my breakfast, I had porridge this morning before I left my house for work. I can’t drive on a starving since dinner stomach. I, in no way condone having a bad “breakfast” and because I am (or was) a morning person, breakfast is my favourite meal (I love it and can have it any time during the day)

So, why did it all change? Your guess is as good as mine. My curious mind will not rest till I figure it out and since time is short and I must start working, here are a few things that pop into my mind:

Lack of motivation;
Lack of sun (its been cloudy here all week, like London);
I stopped taking my vitamin D supplements, they ran out and I was due to go back for another checkup to see if I’m not severely vitamin D deficient (which I was and I was taking the prescribed pills); and
Lastly, I think my bed is just too darn comfortable and I love sleeping

Right, time for me to start my day.

Have a beautiful day :).

P.S: featured image is one I took on an island called Lulu Island and I love how palm trees are the epitome of summer/sun/daytime and I like to call them happy trees. I used it as a featured photo to remind me that I used to feel like a palm tree (well, as close as a person can actually feel like a tree) and as the morning would start, I too would stand tall and proud. I must go back to being a palm tree :).

Pistanthrophobia

Posted on February 19, 2017 by Selectively Curious

It’s the fear of trusting someone due to past experiences (it’s in the Macmillan dictionary as an actual word).

I’ve somehow managed to find a middle ground. Like many of you, I used to trust very easily, still do sometimes, it all depends on the vibe I get from the other person. However, in the past year, regardless of the vibe I feel I do not trust until they prove to me that they are worth trusting. The middle ground I mentioned is I have the ability to genuinely be someone’s friend and be loyal to that friendship but not trust them back. It’s hard to explain and my friends think it’s really weird but I guess that’s how I guard myself and yet don’t lose out on the opportunity to get to know someone or walk away just because I get an odd vibe. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to prove my gut feeling wrong, even though so far my gut feeling has won every time.

More than three years ago, I became friends with a friend of a friend. Pretty soon we were inseparable, like two peas in a pod. It was like we’ve known each other our whole lives and I loved spending time with her. Our energy was contagious and addictive. We were a great duo. However in time, I realised I shared everything with her and I barely knew anything about her and this hit me more when she betrayed me a few times and left me with insecurities I didn’t think I could ever have. I won’t get into the details of it as this isn’t a rant post but had to be shared to give you some background.

Featured photo is of my cat (may she rest in peace in kitty heaven) and I feel it’s so fitting for this post. She was happily sleeping and I woke her up and she gave me that look. The look of: “I trusted you human to not disturb me whilst I sleep, well never again shall I bestow such an honour upon you!” I miss her everyday but that’s a story for another day. [the colour of the text represents my emotions when I think of her, which is blue and yet blue is my favourite colour and of all that I have lost, she was my favourite :(. ]

Three years into the friendship, I realised I have no trust in her and yet I remain friends with her and loyal because I genuinely care about her. We do still have great times together. She has now begun to open up (she was someone who never trusted anyone, so I guess we really formed a balance, since I used to blindly trust). This made me curious and I wanted to understand why I did it, my friends do not understand why I am still friends with her and here are my reasons:

We share the same wave length of thoughts, I can discuss and analyse things with her I can’t with other people
We talk about things on a deeper level and I like that we challenge each other intellectually
I actually think I’ve gotten smarter since I met her, as I read more (topics which I wouldn’t normally read about) and think about things logically, whereas before I would take things at face value and not really question it
I wouldn’t refer to myself as witty but after I met her, I recognise wit and it’s an odd thing to say but I have the ability to play along in a witty scenario if need be (go figure?)
I think she’s a great person despite what she’s done to me or other people (maybe I’m naive).

It seems like my friendship with her is for selfish reasons but it really isn’t. I’m always there for her and I do go out of my way as I would for any of my friends who I am close with (and trust), it’s just I don’t trust her. She was the first person I came across that made me realise that I can do that, I can have a genuine friendship without trust. Well, that’s probably the most grey I’ve ever been in a situation, which should be black and white. Also proves what the anonymous “they” say that everyone reacts to things in a different way.

What’s a friendship without trust? Well, here are a few things that pop into mind:

I have no expectations
I won’t get hurt or feel betrayed
it’s shallow on a few levels and with this specific friend even the shallowness is grey because of our meaningful conversations, which covers a broad range of topics
it’s actually good fun, in some ways because there is no trust, I feel less responsible
on the other hand if the other person trusts you way more than you trust them, it can be quite burdensome and there’s only so many “not much is new” you can say before they begin to catch on.

Alas, as I’ve said a gazillion times. It is what it is. 🙂

Oddly, I like that I am capable of doing this. I really like people and I like how much I can learn and grow from people. There are 7 billion people in the world and I guess the way my mind works is that I’m not going to let a thing like trust get in the way of knowing someone. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle, it’s still a fairly new concept to me so let’s see how things pan out.

I wouldn’t say I have pistanthrophobia but I have learnt to be a little more cautious with my emotions.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. 🙂