drapetomania

What are we afraid of?

Posted on March 5, 2017 by Selectively Curious

I’m in my comfort zone.

About three years ago I had a very active social life. I would be out all the time meeting a bunch of new people and it was just great. Like all things, it came to an end and I didn’t do much to continue mingling with other people to maintain my active social life. Somewhere along the lines it got difficult and I’m not sure why that is. I’m naturally an extrovert, I love being around people, talking to them, trying to understand them on a deeper level. Having said that I also really like being by myself and the past year, I’ve gotten really good at being myself and being very content. It’s dangerous.

I was skyping with my best friend before thinking of what to post and she was telling me about her life. She was contemplating moving to Dubai but decided not to because she doesn’t want to miss out on the life she has worked so hard to create for herself in Toronto. I don’t blame her especially since I want her to move to Dubai for purely selfish reasons. I miss her, I miss having friends I can rely on and I’m tired of having acquaintances and meaningless friendships. It’s ironic how my closest friends are geographically so far away from me. The featured image popped up as I was reading a random article and it made me think why I’m stuck in a somewhat “pity party”. I feel that I am afraid to open up, mingle and have a social life again only because I have become so comfortable in my comfort zone. I’ve in some ways gone back to the girl that I was shy and content in her own world and it’s a shame because I’ve worked hard to be confident and a somewhat risk taker. Before doing something, I’m usually advised against doing, I always ask myself, what’s the worst that can happen? Please note, I’m not wild at all and this is mostly applied on relationships, career/job prospects and talking to strangers. I miss the dynamic/spontaneous person I used to be and in someways I am afraid to open up again and I’m not sure why. I don’t really think that it’s fear, I think I’ve gotten too lazy and I love Frasier. I look forward to finishing with work so I can come home to watch Frasier, wow that’s pretty sad. I went from watching no tv because I had a life to watching only tv. Right, this needs to stop. It’s time to get back and enjoy life, the way it is meant to be enjoyed.

I think I need a start over. I wasn’t happy with yesterday, nor today. I lack motivation to do things whole heartedly as I used to and I think all of this comes down to me seriously needing a break. It’s my drapetomania and it’s hitting me hard. I really want to go away for a little while, a change of scenery is always so necessary.

Here are a few ideas:

I could go to Oman, it’s nearby and it’s gorgeous.
Petra, Jordan, also relatively nearby
Stay in the UAE and go to the mountain regions, like Fujairah.
Take up a language course and just have my mind engaged in something
Refresh my piano skills
Find ways to meet more people

Nice to know I have options and I haven’t been to any of these places. So I will follow the advice of the random website pop-up and I will try something different. I’m sure it will help with my motivation levels and hopefully will also help my become more creative in my writing. 🙂

I would love to hear your thoughts on these ideas and I am open to more suggestions.

Have a beautiful night everyone. 🙂 x

Selectively Curious©

Posted on January 9, 2017 by Selectively Curious

The title of this post means “an overwhelming urge to runaway” It’s amazing how you can take that out of context as most things nowadays. The word itself was the name of an illness which Samuel A Cartwright hypothesized to cause black slaves to flee captivity. Of course this theory was later debunked as it is outright racist.

Nowadays this word has become quite mainstream, you’ll see many people sharing it on social media because people have developped drapetomania. Living in the UAE I can say without a doubt that we have a really cushy life and it was here that I discovered the word to be more commonly used than in London, where it is not so cushy. Isn’t it ironic? (it’s like raaaaaain on your wedding dayyy). It makes me curious if it is the cushyness which makes people lazy and bored. Things can become shallow if you allow yourself to get comfortable and this overwhelming urge really does become an illness as the word was orginally intended to be used. One question that does spring to mind is that what is it that people want to run away from? Honestly, maybe I am biased, but in my opinion the UAE is the best place to live because truly it is the good life. Yet, I also find myself wanting to run away, it’s contagious and I have caught this illness at various points in my life, since I have moved back to my childhood home.

After much analysis and ponderings I have come to an unconclusive conclusion that maybe it’s feeling the motions, kind of like the notion of “misery loves company”so even though I may have this urge to run away technically its not the place I want to run away from or the life I have here, it’s the people I have chosen to surround myself with, who all suffer from this illness. The reality is that people are just unhappy, they have everything and yet they are unhappy, unfullfilled and can’t help but compare their life to those around them. It’s so easy to complain and forget the blessings they are surrounded with, it’s so easy to be negative and ask “why me” and wallow in your own hole of self pity and it’s not only addictive but the thought process can get quite contagious to those who just want to feel like they belong. Human beings are funny, we might as well be sheep. Why live like that?

After two years of being in an on and off state of drapetomania, I feel more stable and I no longer have an urge to run away. I now have wanderlust (another word that has become so mainstream) however it is not an illness, it is part of my selective curioustiy. I want to see the world I live in, I want to explore and I want to experience this world the way it was intended. It is a dream rather than a need and I like that it’s a more peaceful way to approach life. Zen for the win (pronounced as wen because I want it to rhyme). 🙂

Featured photo:https://blackthen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/runawaye.jpeg.jpg