What are we afraid of?

I’m in my comfort zone.

About three years ago I had a very active social life. I would be out all the time meeting a bunch of new people and it was just great. Like all things, it came to an end and I didn’t do much to continue mingling with other people to maintain my active social life. Somewhere along the lines it got difficult and I’m not sure why that is. I’m naturally an extrovert, I love being around people, talking to them, trying to understand them on a deeper level. Having said that I also really like being by myself and the past year, I’ve gotten really good at being myself and being very content. It’s dangerous.

I was skyping with my best friend before thinking of what to post and she was telling me about her life. She was contemplating moving to Dubai but decided not to because she doesn’t want to miss out on the life she has worked so hard to create for herself in Toronto. I don’t blame her especially since I want her to move to Dubai for purely selfish reasons. I miss her, I miss having friends I can rely on and I’m tired of having acquaintances and meaningless friendships. It’s ironic how my closest friends are geographically so far away from me. The featured image popped up as I was reading a random article and it made me think why I’m stuck in a somewhat “pity party”. I feel that I am afraid to open up, mingle and have a social life again only because I have become so comfortable in my comfort zone. I’ve in some ways gone back to the girl that I was shy and content in her own world and it’s a shame because I’ve worked hard to be confident and a somewhat risk taker. Before doing something, I’m usually advised against doing, I always ask myself, what’s the worst that can happen? Please note, I’m not wild at all and this is mostly applied on relationships, career/job prospects and talking to strangers. I miss the dynamic/spontaneous person I used to be and in someways I am afraid to open up again and I’m not sure why. I don’t really think that it’s fear, I think I’ve gotten too lazy and I love Frasier. I look forward to finishing with work so I can come home to watch Frasier, wow that’s pretty sad. I went from watching no tv because I had a life to watching only tv. Right, this needs to stop. It’s time to get back and enjoy life, the way it is meant to be enjoyed.

I think I need a start over. I wasn’t happy with yesterday, nor today. I lack motivation to do things whole heartedly as I used to and I think all of this comes down to me seriously needing a break. It’s my drapetomania and it’s hitting me hard. I really want to go away for a little while, a change of scenery is always so necessary.

Here are a few ideas:

  1. I could go to Oman, it’s nearby and it’s gorgeous.
  2. Petra, Jordan, also relatively nearby
  3. Stay in the UAE and go to the mountain regions, like Fujairah.
  4. Take up a language course and just have my mind engaged in something
  5. Refresh my piano skills
  6. Find ways to meet more people

Nice to know I have options and I haven’t been to any of these places. So I will follow the advice of the random website pop-up and I will try something different. I’m sure it will help with my motivation levels and hopefully will also help my become more creative in my writing. šŸ™‚

I would love to hear your thoughts on these ideas and I am open to more suggestions.

Have a beautiful night everyone. šŸ™‚ x

Selectively CuriousĀ©

28 going on 29

By the time I am done writing this post, I will be 29.

I feel the time people reflect most on their life is before a birthday or before new years. Unlike maybe most of you. 4th of March is not a day I particularly look forward to. Well incase you haven’t guessed by now, I mean I don’t really look forward to my birthday.

The day before I turned 28, I felt there was more I achieved before 28 since I had just signed my lease and became completely independent. I guess 27/28 is when I can say I became an adult. What have I done before 29?

Looking back over my 28th year in this world, I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished that much and since I am an optimist, I think I will call it my year of pondering and self discovery. In my defence, I travelled more than I have ever travelled in one year, so that’s something. Job wise, my skills have developed more and this year more than any other year, I’ve come to genuinely love myself, in a none narcissistic sort of way. I like the person I am becoming and having said it (typed it) I feel that’s a really big achievement.

As I sit here, on the floor next to my most favourite being in the world, Coco, my cat:Ā 

I can honestly say that I am content. 28 you’ve been great, hello 29. I will take this opportunity to tell you about one of my travels during my 28th year, the time I went to Prague.

On my way to Prague from Budapest, the taxi I was in came to a standstill. There were police bareacades and apparently there was a bomb threat at Budapest airport. It was such a mess. Oddly I wasn’t scared but merely annoyed because of the planning time I Ā put in for flights and hotel reservations. As soon I began to call the hotel to cancel our reservation the traffic began moving and another cab had come around out of no where. Was so lucky,thankfully.

I did most of the touristy things, as one does in the short amount of time they travel to a new place. This was our view from the hotel:
This trip also helped me get back in touch with reading maps, rather than relying on google maps and it was truly such fun:

To be honest I didn’t know much about Prague before I went, though I did read a quote on it: “Prague is the Paris of the 90s”. I can’t say that I agree or disagree because I didn’t visit paris back in the 90s, I was too young if I did. However I’m not sure why this comparison was made. Both places have distinct cultures and people so the comparison is quite a moot point.

Here are a few snippets of my trip:


I visited Lenons wall and it was amazing:

 


I also went to Prague castle, which is Europe’s biggest castle.

The steps to the top was quite difficult and the uphill walk before the stairs was worth it for this view

I love that the photo includes my handy map :).

This was inside the premises of the castle

It was a short journey but so nice. I wish I had more time there to explore more, but it was the end of my time in Prague.Ā 

I’m exhausted and pretty much falling asleep as I type this. I will continue in the morning. Good night šŸ™‚
Selectively CuriousĀ©

An apartment by the Bay

 

Almost a year ago I moved away from Abu Dhabi to Dubai. I was transferred to the Dubai office of the firm I work for.

I’d like to take a moment and just reflect on how quickly the time flies. When I was transferred, I was given two weeks notice (much like the movie) and in those two weeks I had to find a new place and move in immediately. Luckily Abu Dhabi is not too far from Dubai so initially, for about a 2 weeks I did have to commute, until my furniture arrived to my apartment.

My heart was set on a building which was right next to work and it had a few apartments empty. This was because I was new to Dubai and didn’t want to get caught up in the morning rush trying to get into work. However, for some reason, either the agent would increase the price or tell us it was no longer available. We had contacted a few agents about the apartments in the building. Until finally we managed to secure one and handed in a deposit. Little did I know that handing in a deposit doesn’t mean much and the next morning the agent called saying how the apartment is in high demand and can only make it available to me if we pay a higher rent. I flat out refused (pun intended), it’s not a joke and it shouldn’t be this difficult to book an apartment. Shame that people are not good for their word anymore and luckily I got my deposit back. Time was running out and I was back to square one and had no apartment. It was difficult to call agents at that time too because work was extremely busy. I have to admit, I was extremely lucky because my parents were very helpful. They would drive to Dubai to view the apartments on my behalf. I cannot stress enough how grateful I am for their help. In any case I gave up on that building and even though the agent called again confirming that another apartment was available, I was now adamant to find a place anywhere else and never live in that building.

I had basically lost faith in ever finding an apartment and decided that commuting won’t be that bad and that I could do it. 10 days into commuting back and forth everyday, my hunt was back on. Luckily my mother had found another agent and she was excellent. She knew exactly what I was looking for and didn’t play any games in relation to my budget. She booked a viewing and I had taken a few days off to find a place. So on a Thursday, I went to Dubai with my parents to view the places. The first building was in a compound with a cluster of 13 buildings. We walked up to the compound from the underground parking, as we stepped outside, my dad said to me “This is it” with a big smile on his face and this was before we had gone up to look at the apartment! It just had a nice vibe to it, which the other building next to work did not have. We went up had a look at a few apartments and I chose the corner apartment. We got the lease signed the same day and I had the keys to my very own place.

It makes me curious how something’s just work out. Maybe it is fate? I guess the moral of the story is, if something is meant to be, it will be easy peasy. Don’t force things, just let it be. šŸ™‚

Featured image is the view from my apartment.

Selectively CuriousĀ©

The City of Bath

I went on a road trip to Bath with my best friend.

It was one of those holidays I want to re-live over and over again. It was just before the christmas market stalls were set up, so the magic of christmas was everywhere. I love the way the air felt when we got out of the car and took our luggage out. We were quite lucky, it was a sunny day and we had the chance to really enjoy the city.

This is where we stayed:

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It was the cutest little hotel and in such a convenient location. It had a really satisfying english breakfast and the best pecan danish I have ever had. I LOVE pecan danishes, it’s probably my favourite pastry. It was perfectly crisp and fresh and the pecans were crunchy, just as they should be. It was delightful.

We were only there for one night and when we woke up the next morning, I nudged my friend awake. We were just getting our teas when I noticed that we could climb out of our windows and sit on the roof. This was our view:dsc_0853

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We sat there for a few minutes just taking in the freezing air. Crazy how things have changed so much since that day, she’s married now, with the cutest kid I’ve ever met, I moved away and I feel our lives have gone in such opposite directions, it breaks my heart at times. I feel I don’t have much in common with her anymore, however I do have a tendency of over exaggerating things in my mind. Well, regardless of how things pan out in the future and where our lives take us next, we will always have Bath, London and Scotland (all the places we’ve been together) and she will always be my best friend. It boggles my mind how it’s been almost three years since we sat on the roof, enjoying the view, not even speaking. It was pure bliss.

Saying that I miss it is an understatement and it’s weird because I haven’t really thought about that trip of mine until today, as I was flicking through my photos and remembered it. Bath is a beautiful city and here are a few photos of the city:

We were only there a day and a half and I think we covered all the main attractions. Things you must see/do:

  1. the Roman Baths (of course), it’s a natural spring and the water is naturally warm, the temperature ranges from 69 -96 degrees celsius. Quite fascinating.
  2. You have to eat a Bath bun, I’m salivating by just mentioning it.
  3. You must also try their fudge, it’s divine.
  4. We did a very touristy thing, which was to have high tea at the Pump room, it was my favourite part. I love tea and scones and everything that represents high tea.
  5. Bath Abbey
  6. The Royal Crescent and the Circus (shame the trees were so bare, otherwise the circus is quite a sight)

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Would I go back? Absolutely. It’s no wonder Jane Austen was such a good author, aside from her talents, she lived in a place that I feel does inspire so much creativity.

The city has so much character, it’s charming around every corner, not to mention it’s drenched in such rich history. The people are equally charming. šŸ™‚

Selectively CuriousĀ©

Everyday is a fashion show and the world is the runway – Coco Chanel

I went to my first fashion show today.

It was a great experience. It started off with a networking event and as we walked on the velvety red carpet up to where they were serving the hors d’oeuvres, I felt like a star. More so, when my picture was taken by professional photographers, one was from the national newspaper, Khaleej Times… I wonder if I will be in the newspaper.

I love fashion, I’m too lazy to go shopping most of the time but I really love clothes and shoes, oh especially shoes. A few years ago, I wanted to be a designer. I designed my own dresses sometimes sadly my drawing isn’t great but my tailor is great, he understands what I want, most of the times. However, when I say designer, I actually wanted to be a bag designer, rather than a clothes one. I had a great idea for the next big thing, the only problem was, I didn’t know where I could get the bag manufactured. I had figured out how to get leather from a wholesale supplier. I haven’t given up on the idea and today’s fashion show was a reminder for me to go through with getting the bag manufactured and see how the world reacts to my design.

Today’s designer’s story is so great. It was her first fashion show. Before I continue, I want to share a few snippets of the show:

She had been designing clothes from a young age and opened her own boutique in 2012. Since then, her client base has grown consistently and it’s truly impressive how her popularity has grown, yet it is not surprising and the photos speak for themselves, every piece is beautifully unique. Her style is original and tailored for the individual’s style rather than just what’s in fashion. Goes back to what I’ve mentioned before, never give up because one day you will make it and have the privilege of having your own fashion show. How delightful!

I loved being a part of this. If you would like to know more about the collection, please visit this website (p.s. I wasn’t asked to advertise this, just thought that it’s nice for us to stick together and help each other achieve our dreams šŸ™‚ ).

Selectively CuriousĀ©

40 light years away

 

To infinite and beyond?

Nasa has found a new solar system which is only 4o lightyears away from us. How far is 40 light years away? After much reading, I think one light year is 5.88 trillion miles away. This begs the question, how is 40 lightyears away considered only? I understand that this discovery is astronomical, but really I do fail understand what all the fuss is about.

Here are a few questions that pop into my mind:

  1. Are we looking for another planet to live on?
  2. who would actually risk moving out of our atmosphere to explore a completely alien planet, which has no guaranteed oxygen levels
  3. even if life is discovered on those planets, how do we know we will be able to communicate with us, ok before I continue, this just just feels like pandora’s box.

Can we even travel 40 light years away? the simple answer to this is, before I get into the maths is that we do not have the technology to go fast enough to reach there. Apparently it will take 700,000 years to get there with our current technology. The fastest moving vehicle (if you can call it that) which is in the works to be built is called the Solar Probe plus and that will travel at a speed of 724,000km/hr and with that it will take approximately 57 years to reach the sun, which is only 0.00001581 light years away. Wow, so by that math, I can understand the excitement felt by finding 7 earth sized planets however I cannot relate to it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being cynical, it is a huge discovery and I have often laid awake in bed wondering if there is a parallel world out there, which a girl just like me, maybe doing the exact thing as I am write now, writing in her blog as I am. The possibilities of what is out here is actually endless and as far as I can remember, I’ve always believed that there are other beings Ā and it didn’t seem realistic for us to be the only ones in this vast endless universe.

In the words of Mulder (from the X-files) “the truth is out there”

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(Images used: google search)

Selectively CuriousĀ©

Some websites I always turn to, for inspirationĀ 

Feautured image is fromThought catalog 

Thought catalog is a great platform for, well thoughts but more than that it’s got some excellent articles by some great writers on a variety of topics. 

I agree with the quote stated in the feautured image. We do all have a story in us because we have all lived and “living” is different for everyone. I think everyone leads an interesting life, everyone has highs and lows. The way we overcome to lows and embrace the highs, that’s what defines some part of us. I believe everyone has layers and it’s a true privilege if someone unfolds their layers to let someone in and show their vulnerabilities. Humans…we really are such complex creatures. 

I read something the other day which I thought was hilarious, which I would like to share with you: 

I mean no offence to those that are struggling with depression but I could relate to this and thought the humour was really funny. Proves what I was saying, we are really complex. 

Going back to the quote in the feautured photo, I am often told that I write as I talk. One of my friends said to me when I told her about my blog “Even if you didn’t tell me it was yours , I’d know it’s you. I can hear your voice in every word I read”. Haha she’s great. šŸ™‚ 

It makes me curious and question though, if you don’t write the way you talk then how can you write? Surely, the way you write has something to do with the way you think which in turn correlates with the way you talk. So, by that logic if you’re wrighting varies from the way you talk then does the way you think not relate to the way you think? Wow, ok I’ve just given myself a headache. It surprises me because people are surprised when they read what I write and I’m not sure why. I think I need to meet an actual writer and then read their writing to understand this “merry go round” concept. 

Right, so when I’m bored and not watching tv and not whatsapping (as we do) these are the websites I like to visit:

  1. Thought catalog
  2. Tiny buddha (helps you to be zen about everyday matters) 
  3. Huffingtonpost (for pretty much everything)
  4. National geographic travel (to figure out travel itineraries for a destination I am going to)
  5. Condenast travel 
  6. Bustle
  7. The Economist (just to keep up to date with the industries my line of work is involved in). 

I think that covers it. I feel there aren’t enough hours in the day to read. Oh well, I’ve been waiting in a queue as I was writing this post and I’m next (yay). 

Happy reading everyone and have a lovely day. :). 

Selectively CuriousĀ©

I used to be a morning person

It’s weird how routines change.

I’m barely an afternoon person. Don’t get me wrong I’m not moody or irritable. I’m just unable to jump out of bed ready to attack the day. These days I slither out of bed and that in itself feels like a great achievement. I really should get a prize.

This morning as I did the daily slither, I thought to myself; how is it not the weekend yet. That’s a mystery which is as hard to solve as catcing Jack the Ripper.

I love my job, truly but this week has been so long, it’s why I didn’t post yesterday and I’m posting now as I have my breakfast: 

Ok, that’s not actually my breakfast, I had porridge this morning  before I left my house for work. I can’t drive on a starving since dinner stomach. I, in no way condone having a bad “breakfast” and because I am (or was) a morning person, breakfast is my favourite meal (I love it and can have it any time during the day)

So, why did it all change? Your guess is as good as mine. My curious mind will not rest till I figure it out and since time is short and I must start working, here are a few things that pop into my mind:

  1. Lack of motivation;
  2. Lack of sun (its been cloudy here all week, like London);
  3. I stopped taking my vitamin D supplements, they ran out and I was due to go back for another checkup to see if I’m not severely vitamin D deficient (which I was and I was taking the prescribed pills); and
  4. Lastly, I think my bed is just too darn comfortable and I love sleeping

Right, time for me to start my day.

Have a beautiful day  :).

P.S: featured image is one I took on an island called Lulu Island and I love how palm trees are the epitome of summer/sun/daytime and I like to call them happy trees. I used it as a featured photo to remind me that I used to feel like a palm tree (well, as close as a person can actually feel like a tree) and as the morning would start, I too would stand tall and proud. I must go back to being a palm tree :).

Selectively CuriousĀ©

Pistanthrophobia

It’s the fear of trusting someone due to past experiences (it’s in the Macmillan dictionary as an actual word).

I’ve somehow managed to find a middle ground. Like many of you, I used to trust very easily, still do sometimes, it all depends on the vibe I get from the other person. However, in the past year, regardless of the vibe I feel I do not trust until they prove to me that they are worth trusting. The middle ground I mentioned is I have the ability to genuinely be someone’s friend and be loyal to that friendship but not trust them back. It’s hard to explain and my friends think it’s really weird but I guess that’s how I guard myself and yet don’t lose out on the opportunity to get to know someone or walk away just because I get an odd vibe. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to prove my gut feeling wrong, even though so far my gut feeling has won every time.

More than three years ago, I became friends with a friend of a friend. Pretty soon we were inseparable, like two peas in a pod. It was like we’ve known each other our whole lives and I loved spending time with her. Our energy was contagious and addictive. We were a great duo. However in time, I realised I shared everything with her and I barely knew anything about her and this hit me more when she betrayed me a few times and left me with insecurities I didn’t think I could ever have. I won’t get into the details of it as this isn’t a rant post but had to be shared to give you some background.

Featured photo is of my cat (may she rest in peace in kitty heaven) and I feel it’s so fitting for this post. She was happily sleeping and I woke her up and she gave me that look. The look of: “I trusted you human to not disturb me whilst I sleep, well never again shall I bestow such an honour upon you!” I miss her everyday but that’s a story for another day. [the colour of the text represents my emotions when I think of her, which is blue and yet blue is my favourite colour and of all that I have lost, she was my favourite :(. ]

Three years into the friendship, I realised I have no trust in her and yet I remain friends with her and loyal because I genuinely care about her. We do still have great times together. She has now begun to open up (she was someone who never trusted anyone, so I guess we really formed a balance, since I used to blindly trust). This made me curious and I wanted to understand why I did it, my friends do not understand why I am still friends with her and here are my reasons:

  1. We share the same wave length of thoughts, I can discuss and analyse things with her I can’t with other people
  2. We talk about things on a deeper level and I like that we challenge each other intellectually
  3. I actually think I’ve gotten smarter since I met her, as I read more (topics which I wouldn’t normally read about) and think about things logically, whereas before I would take things at face value and not really question it
  4. I wouldn’t refer to myself as witty but after I met her, I recognise wit and it’s an odd thing to say but I have the ability to play along in a witty scenario if need be (go figure?)
  5. I think she’s a great person despite what she’s done to me or other people (maybe I’m naive).

It seems like my friendship with her is for selfish reasons but it really isn’t. I’m always there for her and I do go out of my way as I would for any of my friends who I am close with (and trust), it’s just I don’t trust her. She was the first person I came across that made me realise that I can do that, I can have a genuine friendship without trust. Well, that’s probably the most grey I’ve ever been in a situation, which should be black and white. Also proves what the anonymous “they” say that everyone reacts to things in a different way.

What’s a friendship without trust? Well, here are a few things that pop into mind:

  1. I have no expectations
  2. I won’t get hurt or feel betrayed
  3. it’s shallow on a few levels and with this specific friend even the shallowness is grey because of our meaningful conversations, which covers a broad range of topics
  4. it’s actually good fun, in some ways because there is no trust, I feel less responsible
  5. on the other hand if the other person trusts you way more than you trust them, it can be quite burdensome and there’s only so many “not much is new” you can say before they begin to catch on.

Alas, as I’ve said a gazillion times. It is what it is. šŸ™‚

Oddly, I like that I am capable of doing this. I really like people and I like how much I can learn and grow from people. There are 7 billion people in the world and I guess the way my mind works is that I’m not going to let a thing like trust get in the way of knowing someone. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle, it’s still a fairly new concept to me so let’s see how things pan out.

I wouldn’t say I have pistanthrophobia but I have learnt to be a little more cautious with my emotions.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. šŸ™‚

Selectively CuriousĀ©

Heartbreak museum

There’s a museum in Croatia that is dedicated to heartbreak. The founders of the museum travelled all over the world collecting memorabilia of people’s heartbreak. It’s called “Museum of broken relationships” and it represents every type of relationship, not just the boy loves girl and they fall out of love.

Funny thing about love, how do people wake up one morning and realise that they no longer love the person they were madly in love with just days ago? Could it be that they never really loved? Surely it’s not just a switch you can turn on and off, it has to be deeper than that, right?

Personally, when I love someone, regardless of if they are still apart of my life or not, the love continues and they will always have a special place in my heart. Sometimes I feel that I have a lot of love to give and not enough people/animals in the world to give it too. Maybe if I spread the love to insects too I would feel it’s enough but sadly, I do not like insects. Speaking of insects, not so long ago, I stepped out of my apartment and found a weird looking insect and I was convinced that it was poisonous and dangerous. I stepped on it, but barely and when I took my foot off of it, I saw it try to scurry away to the corner. That moment broke my heart and there wasn’t anything I could do to save it since the pain it was feeling was my fault. I always knew I was empathetic but I felt that was on a whole new level, I still feel guilty. Following on from my previous post, I think humans react to animals in an abusive way because of fear sometimes, as I did with the insect I stepped on. It’s good to be cautious of course but I think there are other ways we can get rid of insects, right?

On a side note, I love the way our brain works. I have a tendency of getting carried away with my thoughts and it’s fantastic. Often times before falling asleep, I think about things, as we do and I play a game with myself, tracing my steps if you like of how I got to the thought in that moment. Sometimes I win by tracing back accurately and other times I don’t because the thought is so far from my initial thought that it gets frustrating trying to remember my initial thought.

Anyway, featured photo represents comfort food, which is the best for heartbreak and who doesn’t love donuts? Well I for one may have a mild obsession with donuts. However, have you ever tried a cronut? THAT’S JUST THE BEST THING EVER! It’s a mix between a donut and a croissant, utterly divine, I’m salivating at the thought of it. šŸ˜€

I’m off for a nap. Thank you for reading. šŸ™‚

Selectively CuriousĀ©